Wish, Hate & Hope Welcome to 402's House

Wish, Hate & Hope: The Origins

2009-01-23T14:14:00.001-08:00

(Side note, I’m not a very well organized writer/speller)

So… Where should I begin? Today I received a text message from a friend of mine, let’s call her Beth. She wanted to now what I was up too this weekend? I told her that I hadn’t made any plans yet, but I was thinking about spending some time at home (since it seems like when I don’t have my daughter I’m always going out). She let me know what she had planned for the evening and maybe tomorrow we could get together. Than she playfully added, “As long has you don’t ditch me again”. Ha, I thought.

Now for that to make sense let me give you a little back story to our relationship, and I promise you by the end I’ll tie it all back together. Beth and I have known each other since grade school. She is a mutual friend of both my ex and I. Years ago we used hang out a lot and party together in college. One evening Beth and I went to a party together, right around the same time has my Ex and I were just starting to date. Well long story short my ex and I got into a huge fight because she thought I was into Beth. So to avoid a scene I told Beth I was going to take my Ex home and I’d talk to her later. Well that was the last time I saw Beth until this summer (about 6-7 years later). I ran into her while visiting friends back home at some bar. She told me she had moved to Florida shortly after the last time I saw her and she had moved back to town a couple years ago. Now just has Beth and I were rediscovering our friendship, my relationship with my Ex was coming to an end. After that we began hanging out again, pretty much every weekend up until right before Thanksgiving.

Now let me break down the time line from the summer meeting to Thanksgiving time to now. I had reentered the dating world and wasn’t really feeling the girls I was meeting. I was seeing girls one day and then ditching them the next to hang with Beth. Has time went by, (you guessed it) I began to wonder why I was going out with girls I wasn’t really into, when I had a girl right in front of me that I had a real vibe with (at first I was very hesitant because of her being friends with my EX, but after awhile I thought F it). I mean Beth pretty much passed everything on “My List” (read previous post to learn more about the “List”), except her being someone I already know. So one evening I decided to just lay it all out on the table. I told her I felt something between us and if I didn’t do anything about I’d be kicking myself later. She told me she felt it too but was also hesitant because of my Ex and she didn’t want to lose me has a friend if it didn’t work out. So needless to say we decided to take it slow and keep it on the DL and just see what happens.

Well in time our friends started to pick up on us and the gossip had spread to my Ex. Now up until this point my Ex and I had gotten along great, mainly because she really wasn’t aware of whom I was going out with. But the news of Beth and I possible seeing each other, was the straw that broke the camels back. My Ex began hounding me about if it was true or not. She always maintained that she knew that I’ve always harbored feeling for Beth for all these years and she saw something between us (even before either of us had picked up on it). Now at this point I really didn’t know where Beth and I stood, so I always responded that we were just two friends with common interest.

Fast forward to earlier November; Beth and I started spending the night at each others houses (We never had Sex just some kisses and cuddling), and going out on public dates. It was at this point when my Ex asked me again about Beth and I, that I thought I should be upfront and honest with her. Well needless to say it did not go over well, and she stormed out of my house. Now here’s where I really messed up, Beth and I had plans to go to a friends going away party that evening. I had made sure earlier in the week that my Ex would not be there. But it turns out she ended up not working and showing up at the party anyways. Now I didn’t tell Beth that this point that I had told my Ex about us (I told you I messed up), and she ended up being completely blindsided at the party. After being called just about every derogatory name in the book, Beth (who just took it by the way, because has she told me later, she felt awful about it) decided that she should leave. So I walked her out to her car and apologized to her about not making her aware that I had said something to my Ex.

After that unforgettable night the drama between the three of us seemed to snowball. It started with my Ex sending me nasty text and message. But once she realized that I wouldn’t respond to them she began doing the same to Beth. Now Beth on the other hand would fall right into it and feel bad and break off whatever plans we had for that weekend. For the following weeks Beth and I were on an emotional roller coaster. We’d spend the week days repairing the damage done from each previous weekend. One minute she laying in bed with me telling me this feels right, the next she’s calling me saying she thinks we should not hang out for awhile. Now I’m not going to lie, I was bothered by the fact that my Ex seemed to be dictating the future of our relationship and I was hurt by the whole thing. Here I am finally with someone I enjoy being with and starting to believe that we had a future when it all just came to a screeching halt. I told Beth at that point to, “Do her own thing, don’t let my Ex get to you, and just enjoy herself. If you need to talk to me or want to get away you know how to get a hold of me”.

Now to tie it all together, this situation is where I came up with the slogan Wish, Hate and Hope. I felt has though I was filled with these three emotions for weeks (I wished I would have handled things differently, I hate that my Ex I feel really did everything she could to get between us, and Hope that one day I can correct my mistakes). Since then we’ve always been communicated through text messages all through out the weeks, always making plans to get together on the weekends. We’d make plans and then every time at the last minute something would come up. It’s gotten to the point where I started making plans with her just to break them (lol), and now we're stuck in this game. But now instead of flaking out on her I just always have other plans because I know we won’t be getting together. It has become quite laughable at this point. So when she playfully added, “As long has you don’t ditch me again”. I thought to myself the exact same thing.

White & Black People?

2009-01-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

So after explaining who Martin Luther King Jr was, why we had Monday off and what the Civil rights movement was all about. My 6yr daughter asked me, "Why are people called Black and White? And not Brown and Peach? Because that's their real colors".

I told her, "I don't know".

And she responded, "I think that's a good question".

I just love how kids will point out the obvious things. Lol

"My List" good or bad?

2009-01-22T11:07:00.001-08:00

One of the first thing I decided after becoming single again, was I had to figure out what I was looking for. So after many drunken nights and rambling to my close friends, I came up with what I refer to has "My List". My List is a check list of the characteristic I'm looking for in a women. Some things on the list are deal breakers while others are completely negotiable. I some times wonder if this list was a good idea and other times think it saves me from wasting my time.
Here is a portion of "The List":

1) Relativly short (Under 5'7)
2) dark hair (dark features)
3) No kids (or 1 tops)
4) Doesn't want to have Kids and are ok with my daughter (this one is the hardest most women my age want to have their own child some day)
5) Laid back but have their life togather
like to have fun and party
6) independent (their own person)
7) Can support themselves without my help
8) don't need me but wants me
9) no tattoos (but hidden ones are fine, I really dislike the tramp stamp).
10) interested in my life and work (my ex in the last 2 years off our relationship never set foot in my new office {with a window} after a promotion that I was extremely proud of).
11) Enjoy Sports (I love my cities teams).
12) Can Cook (I've always done the cooking)
13) Someone I don't already know (that way I avoid the dreaded I knew you always had a thing for her from the Ex, lol).

ect, ect, ect...

I'm always adding and taking aways has I go along. But like I said before somtimes it doesn't seem like a good idea. I've blown off a few girls just because they've violated one thing or anther on it. Which I wonder if that makes me an asshole or I'm I just saving everybody some time. Let me know what you think?

Allow me to introduce myself...

2009-01-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

First off I’d like to give a shout out to http://dadshouseblog.com/ for inspiring me and always telling like it is.

Hello, my name is Lee. I’m a 27yr old single father raising my 6yr old daughter. I’ve been separated from my daughter’s mother going on about 5 months, after dating for nearly 8 years. I decided to start this blog to in an effort to… Well I’m not sure what my purpose is at this point. I guess I’d just like to share my ups, downs, triumphs and failures and possible solicit advice or help others avoid my pit falls. Lol
Since this is my first post it will be a little bit all over the place in an effort to give you an insight into my background. My daughter lives with me full time in our bungalow tucked away in a little village just outside of the city limit. Her mother is still very much involved in her life although not has much as my daughter and I would like. She is currently trying to find herself and develop her own individuality. I work full time from my office and sometimes from home depending on my sitter situation. My daughter is in kindergarten at a wonderful school that I worked really hard to get her into. She is a wonderful well mannered single child thriving in her own little world of art, reading and school (which I’m not really sure how she’s so well mannered considering I was such a little hellion). She was born when I was still in college and actually gave me a push into taking my life and work more seriously. Has a result I ended up turning my college job into a career that I enjoy and love. At this point in our lives we’ve been on our own for a while and have been going through some dramatic changes. It’s here where I'd like this blog to pick up and talk about my struggles and triumphs in an effort to feel better about myself and get advice from other on dealing with certain situation that I will soon be involved in. My key topics I’ll be discussing will be
1) Dating (which I’ve reentered)
2) Raising my daughter (advice, stories, or just a good laugh)
3) Dealing with the Ex (the good and the bad, without bad mouthing)
4) Everyday realizations (from my perspective).
I look forward to others to voice their opinions and call me out if I need it. Thank you for your time, Lee